The Versions Of You I Never Met

You used to decorate your scrapbooks, Mom.

Photos of you hide beneath my baby albums—

Your face, your life, the one you had before me.

I wonder if you're haunted by the phantoms 

Of a forever where you were free.

In every universe

Would you still be my mother?

If, instead of skin, we had petals

Would you let the weeds capture you first,

Feed me your nectar 

While you endure the thirst?

In every universe

Would you still be my mother?

If you were the moon, I the star

Would you tell me to burn, to shine,

Be their light

While dimming your own for mine?

What if there was a world

Where we met as friends?

If a “hello” had brought us together—

Not by blood, nor obligation–- 

Would you have told me

The things that you hide now?

What if there was a reality

Where I was never born?

If you were strolling down a busy street

In a country with snow,

Would you hear my name 

And wish that you had used it? 

What if there was a universe

Where the roles were reversed?

I would raise you to love your curly hair,

Hold you until my arms go numb

I would tell you that limits are myths 

That there is no hardship you won't overcome 

But even as a daughter,

I think you'd be stronger.

You'd be the serene breeze 

To my rampaging water.

So if you were my child instead…

Would I be able to love you

The way you love me now?

…

You used to decorate your scrapbooks, Mom.

I imagine you at my age, sitting on the floor,

Magazines scattered, wishing for more.

A glue stick in one hand, your highest hopes in the other—

Did your dreams ever include being a mother?

Or did your dreams go beyond those pages,

Charting constellations?

I remember once, on our mahogany table,

You mentioned it like a childish memory.

But as you stirred your favorite ladle,

Your eyes lingered, as if it were more than a story.

…Didn't you want to be—

An astronaut?

If you had held satellites instead of milk bottles

Would the sky have answered

All the questions I gave you? 

Mom, in every universe… 

Will you 

choose me?